


The Lowering of a Flag

by CracklePopFizz



Category: The Owl House (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Gen, Introspection, One Shot, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27697427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CracklePopFizz/pseuds/CracklePopFizz
Summary: Augustus “Gus” Porter: prodigy child, human enthusiast, genuine friend. Gus takes pride in these traits of his, after all, that’s what other people love about him. Despite his age, Gus has managed to be one of the top illusionists at Hexside and president of the Human Appreciation Society. His raw talent and supportive nature have given him all there is to want in life, but when will everyone wake up and see that it’s all a ruse?
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	The Lowering of a Flag

**Author's Note:**

> you could probably tell i get a little self project-y in this one
> 
> cw // mention of a burning at one point

“G’night son, sweet dreams. Oh, and don’t let the tooth fairies bite.”

“G’night dad, I’ll see you in the morning.”

Perry Porter tucked his son Augustus, who recently donned the nickname Gus, into bed. As he was beginning to approach the bedroom door to go to his own room, he stopped and turned around. “Y’know what Gus, I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks dad.”

“No, really. Augustus, I couldn’t have wished for a better child. You’re so smart, son, you’re taking classes years beyond your age group! You were president of a club for a while! And son, reading your journalism pieces has made me tear up out of pride. You’re really doing your old man justice. I love you, Augustus. Good night son.”

Gus felt faint happiness swell in his chest, but that happiness was soon consumed by an intense guilt. Gus could only respond with a lackluster, “Good night dad, I love you too.”

Perry didn’t seem to notice his son’s sudden change in mood and left the room. The bedroom door creaked to a close, and Gus’ room grew dim to match the young witchling’s mood.

Rather than sleeping right away as he normally would at this hour, Gus could only stare at his ceiling blankly. He drew a long, tired sigh and hugged his pillow a little tighter. If he wasn’t able to sleep, he might as well use this time to figure out where exactly this guilt came from, and why he was almost overcome by it.

Why was he feeling guilty? His dad was right, he was smarter than your average twelve year old witch kid. He took advanced classes, he was a president of a club for a time being, and he has received multiple awards for his journalism work, as displayed on his bulletin board on the wall across from him. If all of that was true, where did all this emotional mess come from?

Well, thinking back on everything, none of those achievements mean all that much. Sure, he’s taking advanced courses, but that’s only because the normal classes were full (this wasn’t entirely untrue, the illusion track was one of the more popular ones). And his journalism awards? He only got those because his dad is the biggest reporter on the Boiling Isles, so he had an unfair advantage. Plus, his presidency of the Human Appreciation Society? Well, he lost that to someone else not so far from his age, meaning he wasn’t all that special.

Gus stopped in his tracks at that thought. If he wasn’t all that special, then why has he been led to believe he was? He proved that his dad’s reasoning was faulty, so what about everyone else who values and cares for him? Surely they all can’t be wrong, can they?

Gus takes a couple breaths to calm himself down. If he wanted to get to the bottom of this, he’ll have to stay calm and start from the beginning.

Gus had just been bumped up not one, but two whole grades for his impressive illusory magic display. This was a unanimous decision by his teachers; Gus was to skip two grades to develop his talents further. His magic was far beyond what any of his peers his age were capable of.

Of course, as a twelve year old in a class full of fourteen year olds, full fledged teenagers, Gus felt slightly intimidated. However, he did not let that stop him from taking on his usual position at the top of his class. Gus was thriving academically, and that meant the world to him at the time.

Now, Gus could only look back at such a time with longing. He wished he could feel so special, so valued again. Back then, he had value. He was a one of a kind, a prodigy child whose magical abilities merited two academic promotions. He was the talk of Hexside for quite some time. And as guilty as he feels about reaching this conclusion, all of this began to change when Luz showed up.

He doesn’t hate Luz at all for this, though. In fact, besides Willow, Luz is his best friend who he wouldn’t trade for the world. But his downfall, if you will, can be traced back to the human’s mysterious appearance. 

Due to his new position as an upperclassman of sorts, Gus was finally allowed to be president of the Human Appreciation Society. This was a title he took great pride in, so when Willow showed up one morning with a strangely behaving abomination, Gus was ecstatic.

Augustus, or “Gus” as he started going by thanks to the human’s special knack for nicknames, grew close with Luz. Soon he, Luz, and Willow became an inseparable trio. They ate lunch together everyday, would take regular trips into town with each other, and would even crystal ball call each morning before school. Not that any of this had stopped, it’s just that Gus would soon experience one of the most jarring moments of his life. 

It was when *he* showed up.

Gus was, at first, delighted to be joined by a young peer in the Human Appreciation Society. A transfer student from the construction track by the name of “Mattholomule”, he was expelled from his old school, but was clearly as academically advanced as Gus despite whatever his behavior was. Even back when all was good, Gus had been feeling a little lonely, being the only kid in classes full of teenagers. At the time, he thought that this Mattholomule kid would make a good ally, someone who shared the struggle of being underestimated at first glance. Someone who also had to prove themselves to everyone they meet. Someone who could be a friend even.

Things didn’t always go according to plan, but Gus didn’t account for any animosity between himself and the other witchling boy. Right off the bat, despite any friendly advances Gus had made, Mattholomule made an attempt to usurp him. The hooded witch spewed baseless claims of item illegitimacy at Gus while also questioning his worthiness of his position. This turned the masses against him, something Gus had been all too familiar with for a lot of his academic life. 

But for the first time, Gus felt something new. He felt threatened by Mattholomule, like all his efforts were about to be thrown away at that moment. He shifted to his side and closed his eyes, his grip tightening on his pillow. So this wasn’t the first time he felt such darkness inside him. As much as the memory pains him, Gus continues on with his self reflection.

When encountering something new, sometimes people do things that, in hindsight, aren’t very smart. Gus was one of those people. Against his better judgement, he lied to Luz that she was welcome back to Hexside in order to prove a small, stupid point. Of course things did not go Gus’ way, as things typically do as a result of maintaining a lie. In the end, Gus was the one who ultimately suffered as a result of his choice, and he was removed from his position in the Human Appreciation Society as punishment for the damages caused by his actions. Mattholomule, while not entirely his doing, was victorious in this situation.

The more Gus thought about that kid, the more confused Gus became. He didn’t hate the witch, in fact, Gus still believes that a friendship between them is still within the realm of possibility. He kind of pities him in a way. Gus is certain that Mattholomule is probably having the same thoughts he is right now. Something inside of him tells him that Mattholomule’s speech about wanting to fit in wasn’t just talk either. When he really thought about it, Gus sort of liked the boy. While he doesn’t appreciate what Mattholomule did to him in the slightest, Gus understands why he did what he did and even feels solidarity with the other young witchling.

This conclusion brought on a whole nother level of questions for Gus to ponder. If he didn’t get his friends involved in his personal business, what would his relationship with Mattholomule have been? Surely they would have been friends, right? Gus thought about all their similarities again, and settled on that answer. But, Gus thought, how did this whole situation affect his other friendships? He hadn’t really considered this before. Well, he apologized to Luz, but that was about the extent of it. 

Gus flipped to his other side and tossed his pillow to the foot of the bed. He stared out the window into a dark , starless sky that twinkled with the occasional spontaneous combustion of some flying demon. He continued his train of thought once more.

Was he actually a decent friend? Gus never thought about this too much, he always just assumed so. That’s what everyone else said, anyway. He supported Willow for years, and he was one of Luz’s first friends ever. And the three of them are tight, that had to count for something, right?

Gus blinked a couple times before reverting back to his original position, reaching for the pillow he threw minutes ago. The pillow was surprisingly comforting, it helped him process such difficult to accept conclusions.

He pondered for a couple minutes more in silence. He eventually decided that yes, he was a good friend. He cares for his friends, he makes them laugh daily, he’s helped both Willow and Luz confront many of their own issues. That means something. Gus is a good friend.

Well, he wasn’t exactly sure about that last point. Sure, he was present when they solved their own problems, but was he a contributing factor in their overcoming said problems?

At this, Gus sat up straight, pillow falling from his arms to his lap. He remembered a couple weeks ago when Willow’s memory was completely wiped by rich bully Amity Blight. Gus wasn’t too involved with Amity or her friends (if you could call them that, they seemed so…. tense), but he knew that her and Willow had a bad past. So naturally, Gus wanted to help his friend. 

But he didn't. 

At this point Gus had both legs hanging off the side of the bed bouncing in concern. He- he didn’t help Willow? Why? 

He continued through the memory. Gus remembered that Eda the Owl Lady instructed Luz to take one other person to fix Willow’s mind. He also remembered that Luz looked to him first, but he opted to work on his article for the Hexside Press. This forced Luz to go into Willow’s head with Amity, the one who burned the place down in the first place, and fix everything. Why didn’t he go? Surely he valued Willow’s mind more than a silly article?

This isn’t the only time that Gus could remember this happening. Just a couple days ago, grugby season had started. One of Amity’s, well, affiliates, named Boscha was being a lot more aggressive with the bullying than usual. The triclops was the captain of the grugby team, and seemingly had it out for Willow that day in particular. Gus, Willow, and Luz were harassed the entire school day, with it ending with an explosive grugby game that they lost. But Gus wasn’t involved in that.

Gus was pacing back and forth across his room. He remembered how instead of fighting alongside his friends, he was preoccupied by his flags. A part of him forgives himself for that. After all, his flags are a comfort item of his that he holds very dearly. But at the same time, why wasn’t he able to drop them and help out his friends in their time of need? Instead, they had to rely on Amity yet again to help them.

Gus fell back onto his bed anxious and exhausted. Why didn’t he help his friends when they had helped him? Why was he being sidelined constantly when Luz and Willow needed him most? 

Gus turned onto his stomach, and the truth finally clicked for him. He wasn’t being sidelined, he sidelined himself. 

But why? Why would he do something like that to himself at the expense of his friends? 

More things fell into place as Gus kept thinking. Wasn’t it obvious? He *can’t* help them. His academics mean nothing, he lost his only position of power as a result of his own shortcomings, and he can’t even say with certainty that he deserved any of his journalism rewards. 

He subconsciously recognized that he was slipping, and what did he decide would be best as a result? To not drag others down with him. That’s why he busied himself when his friends needed him the most. His self doubt crippled him to the point of being unable to help his friends.

Can he still be considered a good friend at this point? And if not a good friend, what does he have going for him? Gus crawled underneath his blankets, leaving only his eyes to peer out at his ceiling. 

It was a complicated circle. Gus isn’t even sure if it made complete sense himself. His life achievements are void of any actual significance, he lost an opportunity to make a friend, and he hasn’t stepped up to the plate to be a good friend to the ones he already has. And all of these are caused by…. each other?

Gus threw his blanket off of himself in frustration. He sat up in his bed without thought for a couple minutes, scanning his room in an attempt to ground himself to reality before he went off on another headache-inducing mental tirade. His eyes landed on his bulletin board covered in pinned up papers recognizing his academic excellence. Gus felt slightly sick to his stomach at the sight, so he drew a glowing blue circle in the air with an outstretched arm and caused all the pages to go blank.

At this point Gus could do nothing but lay sprawled out on his bed facing the ceiling. He had tears running down his face as a result of both his exhaustion and confusion, yet he did nothing to wipe them away.

Gus lay there thoughtless, just staring, for another hour or so before drifting off into a troubled, disturbed sleep.


End file.
